Unlike last year's 1st Anniversary Post where I simply showed "Best Of" clips of the posts from that previous year, this year I thought that I would take a look back at my goals and aspirations that I set for myself and update you on them, as we approach the anniversary, 2010 is one quarter over with. So away we go:

Goal One
I need to lose weight. I have to. I have a goal in mind and if this doesn’t make me lose weight nothing will. If the weight stays I am well and truly fucked. I have enough problems that I can’t control and if I can’t beat this one that’s of my own making then, well who knows? This includes exercising more. And when I say more, I mean exercise. I bought a damn bike. It’s just sitting there. In 2010 it will be used.

Yep, well, ahem. I was doing really well, (I had lost half a stone / 7lb / 3kg, exercising and eating right) but then it all went tits up when I hurt my knee. Then my knee got better, or so I thought and I started exercising again, but then I hurt it again, so I have gained all the weight that I had previously lost and I'm back to where I started again. But I'm just in the middle a course of anti-inflamatory medication and hopefully in another two weeks I will be back to where I was before and will be able to start again. I don't know whether to publish what I weigh on here, my fingers keep moving across the keyboard but they aren't going anywhere near the number pad, so I guess you'll miss out on finding out. Unless of course you decide to look elsewhere on the web where I have written about my struggles.

Goal Two
Write more. I want to finish my online story. I have set myself a mini goal of end of March. Because of goal three. There are also a few things that I also want to try writing wise. I have how to books. It may well be time to read them.

Well, since I wrote this goal I have written Chapter 11 of my online story and that is it. Having the break from it and doing a different story for NaNoWriMo, was a bad idea for this story. I just couldn't seem to get back in the flow in December and January. February was a real struggle but I got it done, and March I just lost motivation. I found myself thinking more and more about the first novel I ever wrote. It isn't to say that I shouldn't have done NaNoWriMo, as I learned some valuable lessons from it and was, shock horror, able to complete a, albeit shoddy, first draft. I think I am just one of those people that needs a kick in the pants to actually focus and knuckle down and write.

Goal Three
For Script Frenzy (April 2010) I will convert the online story into a screenplay. If the story is not done I will not participate. For the past 2 years I have participated and written crap. I know that I can write 100 pages of crap. There is no challenge in that any more. I need to be able to successfully create a screenplay that has a beginning, a middle and an end. Even if it is one that I already now the outcome and it is just a case of putting the story to screenplay format. Then in 2011, I can think about doing one from scratch with a detailed plot.

Well, as you know from reading chapter 11, the story has not finished. And I did agonise of this (and I hear you say, "Why? It's crap") but after talking it through with a friend I decided that because I was struggling so much with the story in prose, that I could continue the story in screenplay format from the start of what would have been chapter 12 and then if I get to the end of the story before the end of April, I can come back and adapt the first 11 chapters into the screenplay. So on Thursday I will start the screenplay at the Script Frenzy 2010 Write-in, to be held at the Egg, Liverpool. If you're there say hello.

Goal Four
Mystery goal. If you wish to know about this one, you’ll have to buy me dinner first.

This is progressing nicely, well I hope. I have made further steps forward and I am currently awaiting responses. So that I can initiate the final phase.

Goal Five
Get to Liverpool more to see my friends. Until they get sick of me that is.

Well, I went to a meeting in January (13th I believe it was) at The Egg and I will be going to the write-in on Thursday (which I have taken the day off for). I hope to get to Liverpool a few more times in April and then at the end of April (30th) I shall be attending the Rathole Radio Live Gig in Liverpool, hosted by Dan (who I met through Script Frenzy in 2009). I think several of the NaNoWrimo/Script Frenzy group are going so it should be fun. If you are going and see me there, say hi. I won't bite, but I may puke on your shoes depending upon how much I have had to drink.

Goal Six
Plan a proper novel for NaNoWriMo 2010. Oooh. Actual Plots and knowing the beginning and ending before I start. And cliffhangers, too! How will I cope?

Well, if all goes to plan in April, I will know how "That Joke Isn't Funny Any More" ends and I will be using May/June to write chapter 12 through to the end. Once July arrives I will then start to plan my NaNoWriMo 2010 entry.

Goal Seven
Meet more people. This will be really difficult for me. Anyone who knows me in real life knows how really shy I am around people I don’t know or don’t know that well.

I am still shy but I'm trying. I'm going to a gig, something which I never would have dreamed of several years ago. And I've signed up for a course starting May 1st that should hopefully make me more outgoing and not frightened of people. We'll see what happens.

Goal Eight
Be a better person. I don’t exactly know what this entails, but I know I’m not good enough the way I am.

I have signed up for a course, really I have. You may think that I was drunk when I wrote Goal Eight, but I wasn't.

Goal Nine
Be more confident. (I’ll have to wipe the dust off of that CD)

I have signed up for a course, I am going to a gig (at which I will try not to puke on anyone's shoes) and I have listened to that CD.

Goal Ten
Start smoking and then quit smoking. If I only manage 50% of this then at least I won’t have to worry about a pension any more.

Two packs a day, bitches! Well, not really. So I should start putting money in my pension.

Goal Eleven *new*
Start writing more blog posts, because I know you're all dying to hear about my life (if my total blog hits of 1695 [since Aug 2009] are any indication). Even if it isn't fiction writing that I am doing, blogging more will at least mean that I'm writing and not out and about being a threat to society.

We will see how Goal Eleven develops, most probably it will be like a blurred photograph with quality control sticker right in the centre.

Thus concludes the Second Anniversary Craptacular. Who knows what hilarity will happen here before the Third Anniversary (other than me having to renew my domain).

Check back soon for more updates or to see that I have failed in my own promises.

After a number of months since my last post about improving myself (See Dec 31, 2009) I have been trying to improve myself. For the the good of myself and the others around me I stopped writing while I tried to lose weight. When that didn't work (the weight loss, not the ability to stop writing, though I did have the adverse affect that I had trouble starting to write again) I started to write again.

It didn't go well, so I threw that away. And I started again (by which I started Chapter 11 again and not the whole thing, much to other's shagrin). And now you can read the fruits of my labour here, conveniently titled Chapter 11. So go forth and and read and comment (you know you want to!)

Don't forget, that if you missed any of the earlier chapters in the story (and chances are that you have) you can find them here at the "That Joke Isnt Funny Any More" index page or by the fiction link at the top of the blog.

Have a good weekend,

Matt.

The Other Woman that I of course speak of, is That Joke Isn't Funny Any More. Like Tiger Woods, I regret the hurt that this has caused my family, but not really because to be offended they would actually have to read it...

Now, I know what you are thinking: "But Matt, even though I love you and would in all honesty wait for you forever in the believe that one day you will realise that I am the one for you, I'm very distrubed that you lied to me and that chapter 10 wasn't delivered on time as promised."

All I can saty to that baby is I'm sorry. I was having such fun in completing my NaNoWriMo novel that I forgot to post it online. I can only hope that chapter 10 makes up for this. If it doesn't then perhaps you can lower your standards. Though if you are reading this, there isn't much lower that you can sink (except may be to comment.)

If you missed any of the earlier chapters you can check in at the story index.

Welcome to a completely on schedule posting for Chapter 9, the latest chapter in the permanent mechanical fasterner, I mean riveting (damn this auto thesaurus) online story, That Joke Isn't Funny Any More.

Now, I know what you are thinking: "But Matt, even though I love you and would in all honesty believe that one day you will be the mother of my child, I know that if I am to sustain interest in this story, the publication schedule will have to be more ontimely for the next edition."

I feel less bad now that you have used the word ontimely in your critique of me. You should have used the word untimely according to the auto corrector of my spell checker, as in "untimely death" though I have a feeling that you think my death will never be untimely.

So I do hold my hands up and I can say, as the blood rushes from my extremities, that honestly baby I have been busy with NaNoWriMo and it won't happen again. Okay, in all honesty it will happen again if you want another chapter in Movember (it is like November, but the dates will have to move. According to Wikipedia it is also a Cow's favourite month) but once December rolls around I can get back to disappointing you both on time and under budget.

So go read and be merry and I will put a tentative date of chapter 10 being published on Sunday November 29th, and while you are pressing me for more information, the year will be 2009.

Don't forget to stay tuned for an upcoming blog post (probably this very Monday) reviewing the first half of my NaNoWriMo 2009 experience.

If you missed any of the earlier chapters you can check in at the story index.

What does concern me, and should concern you is that now chapter 8 of the online story "That Joke Isn't Funny Any More" is now available for your visual edification.

Now, I know what you are thinking: "But Matt, even though I love you and would in all honesty believe that we are meant to be together, I know that if I am any more edified then I'll realise that being edified doesn't just mean be accosted by a guy named Ed."

Well, you shouldn't go around learnin' new words and new definitions with fancy book learnun, because that would mean that we'd grow apart and I'd have to seriously consider chaining you to the radiator. In fact, that's where I'm going now. To get my chains.

So start reading, or start runnin'.

If you missed any of the earlier chapters you can check in at the story index.

"But Matt, even though I love you, and would without question put you within a hermetically sealed box so that you would last forever and never die, I am perfectly aware at what time it is. Don't you ever condescend to tell me what the big hand and little hand are doing, especially since your probably not wearing any pants."

Alright, I was wrong, but even though you may know the time in your locale, what you may not be aware of (unless you read the title of this blog post) is that Chapter 7 is now available for perusal and download.

If you missed any of the earlier chapters you can check in at the story index.

And yes, I am indeed wearing pants. Though the name in the back of them would suggest that they are not mine. But that is another story for another time.

"But Matt, even though I love you, and would even consider re-naming my first born child after your second cousin twice removed, don't you think that you should spend longer on these chapters so they'd be better?"

Firstly that's a flattering offer and his name is Fergus MacGuffin-Fishwick, though he doesn't like me very much. This is his website: www.ihatemattfishwick.com so I really don't know why I'm giving him free publicity. Anyway, beyond that, wouldn't changing your child's name be upsetting for your child? This is especially true if your child is like mine: aged 30, working in construction and named Rosco. But hey, I'm not here to judge you. To do that I'd have to visit your website. So tell me what it is then I can judge away!

Anyway, back to the point, Chapter 6 is now up for reading. I'll be working on Chapter 7 in the next week and hopefully it will be up by next weekend.

If you missed any of the earlier chapters you can check in at the story index.

Say hello to your little Fergus for me!

"But Matt, even though I love you, I'm not sure that you have the drive and ability to finish this story."

Thanks for that dear reader, but I do plan to have the whole thing finished before the start of NaNoWriMo on November 1st.

I know its been a couple of weeks since the last installment but I hope that the other posts kept you entertained in the interim. I had chapter 5 finished earlier in the week but just didn't have the opportunity to upload it until now. You can find find it here.

I'd estimate that the story has now probably reached the halfway point and right now I am writing chapter 6 (well actually right now I sm writing this blog post, but when this is finished I can be found writing chapter 6). It should be uploaded by next weekend.

Hope you're enjoying reading the story, and don't forget that if you missed a chapter you can find the main index page here.

Hope you are having an enjoyable weekend.