I Love Matt Fishwick! Fiction and fun with Matt Fishwick

24Sep/140

Newsjack Series 11 Returns This Week

That's right, people.

It's back.

Newsjack is back for an 11th series, premiering tomorrow night (Thursday, September 25th 2014) at 11pm.

Here is my record from my previous series submissions:

Newsjack Record Series 3 - 10

While it's too late for you to submit to the first episode, there are still 5 further shows this series. So get looking at the news and get writing. Find all the details of how to submit and what they're looking for, click here.

Here's to series 11!

Bookmark and Share
2Oct/130

Newsjack Sketch: James Dyson Engineering Award

Hello all,

As I'm rather busy writing stuff for Newsjack, I thought that I'd publish my favourite sketch that I wrote for this ninth series (so far). I've submitted a total of 5 sketches to them in the first 3 episodes, but my favourite (so far) is one of the sketches that I submitted to Newsjack in week 1. The sketch didn't get anywhere on the show, but I still like it after giving it a another read at the weekend, so I thought I'd share it with you.

Enjoy!

Newsjack Sketch: James Dyson Engineering Award.

JUSTIN
The winner of the UK round of the James Dyson’s Engineering Award has been announced. The £2000 UK Award celebrates innovation in design engineering and this...

RUNNER UP
(interrupting)
(scoffs) Big deal. He put some floaty things in water. I’d hardly call that innovative. I learnt to swim by holding on to a floaty thing in water and kicking my feet. Getting kids to do your dirty work is nothing new, the Victorians were doing it five hundred years ago.

JUSTIN
Let me guess, you’re an engineering student?

RUNNER UP
No, I’m an engineering Graduate. And the UK runner up.

JUSTIN
Then you should know it’s a wave power generator that harvests energy no matter which way the sea is flowing.

RUNNER UP
I had a solution for that, but it’s all politics. Apparently it’s more innovative to throw some things in the sea than it is to CONTROL THE MOON. (laughs)

JUSTIN
I’m sorry, did you just say “Control the Moon?”

RUNNER UP
Yes, Control the moon. Imagine Justin, if I control the moon, I can control energy. Any time some country wants some energy. They’ll come to me. I’ll have the monopoly. Finally I’ll get to be the Top Hat rather than the pathetic little shoe.

JUSTIN
That sounds extremely unethical.

RUNNER UP
That’s why I thought British Politicians would love it.

JUSTIN
The British public would never stand for it.

RUNNER UP
That’s just what James Dyson said. I’ll admit that there were a few technical issues with flooding rivers when I did a test last summer and another test in December, but I’m almost certain I’ve got the kinks worked out now.

JUSTIN
What about the long term environmental impact?

RUNNER UP
And how is dumping materials in the sea any more environmentally friendly than controlling the moon? What happens when those little floaty things reach the end of their lifespan? What do we do with them, eh?

JUSTIN
Flush them out into international waters, I suppose.

RUNNER UP
Exactly. Flush them into international waters so they can get caught around little fishes and necks of birds. I hope you have a lot of pairs of scissors. Those floaty things will need a lot of cutting up so the wildlife doesn’t get caught. Remember those plastic 6-pack can holders?

JUSTIN
Oh, I hated cutting those up. It took ages.

RUNNER UP
But if you don’t cut them up, you’ll be spending a lot of weekends on some rickety diesel-chugging boat setting those poor little creatures free.

JUSTIN
But I get terrible seasickness.

RUNNER UP
But that won’t happen with my solution. You get to stay on dry land. We can direct the tides to a specific location, precisely harnessing all the energy.

JUSTIN
It just sounds so evil.

RUNNER UP
I’ll remember you said that. Your name’s on my list.

JUSTIN
I’m glad you didn’t win. Why would anyone want to take this beyond prototype?

RUNNER UP
No prototype for me. Everything is in place.

JUSTIN
Then why do you need the award?

RUNNER UP
I had a programmer put the controls in a handy App that I can use on my smartphone. But thanks to a mix up, the app will only run on iOS7. Do you know how expensive that is?

End of Sketch.

Bookmark and Share