Lemon Sponge Really Cleans Up Competition
In the past few weeks the people in the office where I work has decided to raise money for the Cystic Fibrosis Charity here in the UK. A bake off was decided (being that most people like food) and those that wished to enter the bake off were divided into competing brackets. Two people each week would bake a cake going head to head or cake to cake. These amateur bakery specimens were placed in the office kitchen anonymously (though I am sure that some one knew who put them there). The rest of the staff could then vote which cake (imaginatively labelled Cake “A” and Cake “1”) was the winner by paying for a slice and then voting. The winner would be revealed and that person would advance to the next round.
I know what you’re thinking: “Matt, even though I love you and would smite down your enemies just for a chance to be in your presence for just the briefest of moments, I can’t believe that you don’t think that we know how any anonymous bake-off in aid of CF would work. In fact the more I think about it the angry I get because that is just stupid and quite frankly after all that I would only be willing to maim and not kill for you.”
Well thank you for your honesty, but honestly I am quite capable of maiming and to be honest you interrupted before I got to the meaty bit of the Wedge (and I’m not talking about the Australian Sketch Show here). So back to my main point before I was rudely interrupted which was that this week was the first bracket in round one.
The competitors, we’ll call them Competitor 2 and Competitor B were tasked with making a lemon cake. Now here is the bit where I come in. We all know that I’m not the world’s greatest baker but I figured that the people of the office needed a third party candidate option lest the votes be split down the middle and then nobody would be a winner. So on Thursday I resolved to create my masterpiece. And I did. First let us take a look at all the entrants: (All images courtesy of Jamie Wu)
The Contestants Line Up At The Starting Grid
Can you guess which one was created by me? I'll give you a hint. This is how I described my entry:
Yes we have “scoured” the competition and we can reveal there is another entrant. A dark horse, if you will. In the world of thoroughbreds this one would be a glue stick.
The recipe: A delightful three slice lemon sponge with real lemons and a cheeky little lemon jus.
Vote for this entrant and it will really clean up.
Yes kids, you've guessed it, it was this fine looking filly of a cake:
Close Up of my beloved entry.
The top layer of my lemon sponge with actual lemon decoration.
Judging by the look on your face you are as pleased with this as I am (And if you don't want me looking at you, turn off your webcam. And pull up your pants). Sadly not as many people as I'd hoped voted for my offering, but there were enough that my lovingly prepared palette cleansing cake came second.
"You came second" I hear you say, and yes, I have had a problem with endurance in the past but that is all behind us now and this really isn't the proper forum for those sorts of discussions.
But I know the real reason why your reading this (apart from to escape from your work-a-day lives for just a second) is that you want to make on of these masterpieces to impress your friends, relatives and that guy who spends too much time outside your house stood by the bushes wearing nothing but a raincoat.
So in order to do that, you will need:
- Time on your hands
- A lack of anything better to do.
You will also need the following ingredients:
- Washing up Sponge x 2 (Preferrably yellow)
- An unquantifiable amount of Lemons, say perhaps 2
- A knife - so you can threaten a grown up into doing it for you
- Yellow washing up liquid
- A plate
- A phone
- A "Friend"
- Access to a building
- The telephone number for Poison Control
- An alibi
Note: You may need to use a knife to force your way into the building.
Step 1: Go inside a building.
Step 2: Put the plate on a flat surface.
Step 3: Laugh hysterically at how you're the first person to think of doing this.
Step 4: Put a sponge on the plate.
Step 5: Cut the lemons into slices with the knife. (Or your razor sharp wit)
Step 6: Arrange the lemons artistically over the first sponge.
Step 7: Slap down the second sponge in any old haphazard manner.
Step 8: Add a lemon slice to the top of the cake.
Step 9: Get the bottle of washing up liquid.
Step 10: Liberally pour the jus over the cake. You will need to use a lot as those sponges are incredibly sponge-like.
Step 11: Call your "friend"
Step 12: When "friend" arrives offer a slice of cake. Remember to add more jus and cackle maniacally as required.
Step 13: Call poison control
Step 14: Get your story straight. A.K.A alibi (or bye ali if she decides to leave).
So here's looking forward to next week's bake off competition and who knows, may be I can show of my master baking skills once again. I just have to find some green sponges for my lime cake...
If you enjoyed this post, please consider making a donation to the CF Trust.
