If I Had A Gucci Hammer (aka The Most Fun You Can Have With One Shoe On)
So yesterday evening, instead of making my journey home on time I was roped into staying behind in the office for some extra curricular activities. I know what you are thinking and stop it - since the war, I couldn't even if I wanted to. I was actually asked to help change the wall art (aka the graphical pictures on the internal vertical surface of the asthetic cover of the building's structure). I'd like to think that the change was prompted by the imminent release of Tim Burton's Reimagining of Alice in Wonderland ("All change!") and not because we got a cheap deal of a whole punch of posters. Sorry, what I meant to say by that, in these politically correct times, is carefully and precisely replicated reproductions.
Because I am not trusted with sharp or even blunt objects, it was my job to stand there and make sure the art (or rat as I just typed there quickly and then backspaced so that you would never know that I ahve a tendency to mistpye things when I type at nomal speed) was lined up correctly and did not end up askew once the nails had been plunged into the walls.
Now I know what you are thinking:
"But Matt, don't you have one leg shorter than the other?"
I did try explaining that to the powers that be, but there was a lack of understanding on their part. Well, it must have been their part as I understood everything that I mumbled under my breath.
So, it became time to apply the nails to the wall. As I said, I have been barred from handling any sort of DIY thingy (or tools as I'm told they are called when I harass the greeter in B&Q) which left the others to get the nails into the wall, with me standing there leaning to one side. As we are a simple, yet luxurious office nestled in the middle of a rural area, it was most apparent we did not have a hammer (or even a bale of hay). This would cause us problems when we tried to hammer in the evening.
"Matt, what can we use instead of a hammer?" I was asked.
"How about the heel of a shoe?" I replied, not thinking that they would actually take me seriously.
They did.
I only wish the person who had been using the shoe had also worn socks. But it was a change for me, when I'm around most women only remove their footwear to hit me with it. Don't get me wrong, I was still pummelled by the shoe, but at least I got to broaden my horizons by seeing what other uses footwear can have.
And so, in the late evening, framed art was put applied to the walls in an IT company by hammering it in place with the heel of a shoe. And just what did you do last night that was so great?
Introducing National Novel Writing Month 2009
Hello there peoples. Yes, I am back, but a short time after the last post to provide you with a little info on NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month for not short.
I know what you are thinking: "But Matt, even though I love you and would like nothing more than for you to write me a epic story, full of thrills, spills, and a narcoleptic narwhal, isn't National Novel Writing Month an American event?"
The answer to that is Yes. It is an American event, but like American Football, Sausages on a stick wrapped in pancakes, or even heart disease it is making its way to the shores of the UK. Okay, maybe not the sausage and pancake stick, but you get my point.
Okay, there was no point, except to say that NaNoWriMo now has an international flavour, just like licking one of those plastic seats at an airport.
So what is NaNoWriMo?
Well, the people behind National Novel Writing Month are a little cryptic in what they do but I think it has something do do with milking cows, and milking them really fast. But while they sit in an office in California and drain the udders of unsuspecting livestock, everyone else who has signed up around the world bashes out a 50,000 word novel during November. This equates to writing a mere 1,667 words each day to get your 50,000 word total by the end of the month.
So when does this happen?
In November. Sometimes I think that you don't pay attention to me. Wait, don't go. I'm so lonely. To be more specific, It takes place from November 1st to November 30th (local time) of this year and every year for the past 11 years. I've been doing it since 2007 and this will be my first year with the Liverpool local chapter.
So where does this happen?
All. Over. The. World. Each participant can join a local region. As I wrote above, this will be my first year associated with the Liverpool region. Each region is run by one or many volunteers. There are also the online forums to enable people to interact with other participants. I've met many great people in the forums and in person.
So what do I win?
A certificate.
No seriously, what do I win?
Seriously. A certificate. But not just a certificate, but an online certificate that you have to print out yourself if you want to attach it to your wall or any other type of load bearing structure and gaze at it adoringly. You also get to win whatever you manage to write in that month. The real prize is creativity. You may have a complete novel by the end of the month, or you may have the foundations to build that great novel. Or you may have a door stop or something to burn on those long cold December evenings once the event has finished
What do I write on?
You write on paper. You write on a computer. You write on the face of a chubby child (or a chubby adult, if your handwriting isn't small and neat). You write on whatever medium (or large) takes your fancy. However, in order to get your certificate, your word count must be validated electronically by a word count widget on the NaNoWriMo site (available between the 25th and 30th of November).
So I could cheat without writing anything?
I suppose. But that isn't very creative.
Is NaNoWriMo free?
NaNoWriMo costs a lot to run and maintain, though signing up doesn't cost anything, the event is run through donations.
Can I continue something that I've already started?
No. The object of National Novel Writing Month is to begin a story from scratch on November 1st, though you may do all the planning you wish to before this date, the actual novel should only be started on November 1st. Though if you have only just heard about the event through this blog post, you have just over a day (depending upon your timezone) to plan your novel. But don't worry, I haven't got an idea for mine yet, either.
Does this mean that your story: "This Joke Isn't Funny Any More" has been abandoned
No. While I will be writing something new for NaNoWriMo in November, the story will continue to be published on this website. You can find the chapter index here. The next chapter will be published on Friday 13th November, 2009. I hope 
Okay, you convinced me. Where do I sign up?
You can sign up at www.NaNoWriMo.org. Then just join us on the forum or at a local meet in your area. Have fun. I know I will. Get your pen ready. See you at the starting line at 12.01am on November 1st!
Cheers,
Matt.
If you enjoyed reading this post, please consider donating to the good folks that run NaNoWriMo, the Office Of Letters and Light.
