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Stand Up Course Progress Part 4: Now With Added Character!

Even though it isn't going that well lately, I've decided to still write about my experience on my stand up course, mainly because it is something that has happened to me that I don't need to make up. When I say that it isn't going well, I should clarify that it isn't the course itself, or the teacher, it's just me not being funny. Well, I think I'm funny. Just no one else does.

So without further ado, though I am making much ado about nothing.

My Fourth Time

Saturday 5th March 2011.

So the day was the 29th Anniversary of the death of John Belushi, and it also marked exactly a week since my little breakdown on the same stage. So the clues were there, as David Frost would say.

It did not go well.

That isn't completely true. The first 45 seconds seemed to go ok (and get laughs) but after that, it went down hill faster than the Jamaican Bobsled team.

Because after that first 45 seconds I went back to the ol' patented "Lunchbox of Laughs" and the 14 jokes that I hadn't managed to tell the week before. Actually, that isn't true. I started the set off with one of the 14, so there were 13 left to try.

Try they did, and so did I. If you never try, then you'll never know.

Now I know not to try those again.

My best self depricating line of the week was:

"God, I wish I was a character act, but this is all real."

It got me my biggest laugh of the day. Mainly because John Cooper and the week's special guest (Lee Fenwick of character act Mick Seargent fame) had spent the early part of the workshop talking about character in stand up.

I don't really have a character. It isn't really a heightened version of myself, either.

As it was a tight five minutes (in that John gave me a signal at 5 minutes and I just stopped) I didn't get much more out after that.

On the back of that, the task for this Saturday is to put together our "Best Of" 5 minutes for the final workshop. I've already written new material for it.

So check back here next week to read how it went.

See all you optimists then.

Matt.

Stand Up Course Progress Part 3: Won’t Somebody Think Of The Goldfish!

Last week I said that I would talk about my stand up again unless I had something better to talk about.

Despite trying to rack my brain as to something, anything, else that I'd rather talk about than my stand up, I can't come up with a topic. And because I want to spend the rest of the week trying to learn my material again, I didn't wantto leave it until the last minute, so here goes.

My Third Time

Saturday 26th February 2011.

A day that will live in infamy until I assasinate all those that were present and destroy all the recorded copies of said "performance."

As John Cooper had asked me the week before to boil my stuff down to one liners and mix it up a bit, I did just that, and cut up my stuff into bullet points. I put them in a lunch box and drew them out at random like a comedy raffle. And as everyone knows in comedy, you don't fuck with the raffle.

It did not go well.

I don't mind saying one liners, but I need to write a lot more that actually worked.

I have 44 jokes.

I was on stage for the longest 13 minutes of my life.

The first minute or so was me improvising about what I was actually going to do on stage that day. It got a couple of laughs which is why I count it towards my time.

After that initial improvised volley, I was doing so well during my time that John stopped me. Twice.

The first time was at 3 minutes and 6 seconds into my material. John stopped me as he said that I should relax and vocalise what was going on in my head. That gave me a respite of about 10 seconds.

So I carried on and vocalised my thoughts as I bombed over the next minute and a half.

John stopped me for the second time at 4 minutes and 33 seconds in. At this point he stopped me to let me know that what I was doing (adlibs based on bombing, and not bombing itself) was what he wanted to see, and buoyed after 30 seconds of encouragement, I carried on.

But it didn't last long and soon I was dying again, and then at 7 and half minutes in, I just lost it. I was so frustrated as I pulled out a bullet point on a piece of paper and said:

"Goldfish, for fuck's sake."

Poor goldfish.

Sadly that off the cuff remark gave me the biggest laugh of the day. The Goldfish joke got a few laughs, but I'm not entirely convinced that it wasn't just because they still found me nearly having a breakdown funny. I carried on, but my finely written lines could not match the hilarity of me being pissed off at the crowd and my material.

In that 12 minutes or so, I managed to get through 30 jokes (2 new ones which got genuine laughs). One of my 30 jokes I abandoned in the middle of it, because everyone had heard in the two previous weeks and it got no laughs then, so I didn't see the point in wasting a minute of everyone's time to tell it. Maybe it could be reworked, but I'm not so sure anymore.

In addition to those 30 jokes that I told, I also improvise around them, but only because some of them bombed. That improvising got a few laughs, but there were 7 jokes that got absolutely nothing at all. They're going to be cut for next time, which is a shame because there are a couple in there that I really like, but it appears that the audience over ruled me. They may stay, I don't know.

So that leaves 14 untried jokes that I will attempt next week.

I get that the whole thing is people laughing at me because my material is shit and that my reaction to it is funny, but the whole experience was so emotionally destroying, I don't think I'm a strong enough person to be able to do that night after night, which is what I'd have to do if I want to become a stand up.

I don't really want to give up on this, I'm just not sure what to try next.

So now that the eagerness about this whole thing has been eaten out of me, I guess I'll keep trudging on this death march to the penultimate week.

See all you optimists then.

Matt.

Stand Up Course Progress Part 2: The Mic Stand Strikes Back!

Okay, so the mic stand didn't really strike me back. But stand up is all about tension and release. And if that didn't make you laugh, then maybe I'm doing this wrong.

I thought that I would use this blog post to update you on the stand up progress that I am making on my course with ComedySportz.

In my last blog post on the subject, I mentioned how I had written more anecdotal style but that I hadn't performed it yet. Well in this exciting episode I'll tell you how it went.

Twice!

But after these messages:

For sale: Time Machine - one owner - £350 o.n.o - Must be able to travel to 1955 to collect.

Wanted: A sandwich - brand new ideal, but one previous owner accepted. - £1.50

Still For sale: Time Machine - one owner - £345 o.n.o - Must be able to travel to 1957 to collect.

We're back. Let's get on with the post!

My First Time

The first time that I performed my anecdotal material was on Saturday 12th March 2011. I count this as my first attempt at putting together a stand up set because it is the first time I had properly learnt my material and didn't need to use my notes. The earlier weeks I did stand in from of a mic stand, but I was reading from a book of stuff and wasn't trying to be funny. Actually, I was. But no one laughed, so I am going to claim that I wasn't trying to be funny.

It seemed to go okay when I performed. They laughed in a few places. I think. I don't really remember much of what happened up there, but I only messed up in a few places. I messed up the delivery of my last joke because it is complicated for me to do while trying to put the stand back in its first position, but since I paused a bit too long, the others in the class clapped as they thought that I was finished. Since I can't execute it properly I decided to drop the joke. But on the day I said "No I'm not finished" and I tried to carry on. It didn't get a laugh. So I then told another joke, which I like, but based on the reception it got, no one else likes it.

But overall in the middle of the set I don't exactly remember which other bits got laughs and which didn't, so I decided to buy a dictaphone off the Internet for the next session, in the hopes that it would arrive before the next class. I resolved to record the next set and the feedback that I was given, so that I could pick up all the detail and critique when I listened back to it. That way my editing would be a bit better for next time.

I was still flustered at the end when I was given feedback by the course tutor (John Cooper, who performs as himself and as a character act called Danny Pensive) and by the special guest that week (Bethany Black). So here are the bullet points that I managed to note down:

1. Seemed a little over rehearsed - I talked too fast.

2. Before the punchline I should take a pause. Apparently if I talked slower and allowed pauses for laughs, I'd have a lot more than 5 minutes worth of stuff.

3. Nervous - breathe slowly.

4. stand ups need to break the fourth wall - I think that I was jut too nervous, but writing this now, I remember I tried at one point, but it didn't get a laugh.

5. Mic stand. It might be better if I leave the mic in the stand. They said I seemed a bit more relaxed when not touching it.

And that was it. That was all the notes that I took. They did say a lot more, but those were the general topics. And I don't really recall what else was said in detail. Hence another reason why I needed the dictaphone. If I was ever to learn from this, I need to listen back to a recording, because I realised that after 4 weeks I'm that wound up about the performance that after it is over I just can't focus very well. If I'm ever to get better I think need this piece of equipment.

So the dictaphone arrived Wednesday night, and on the Saturday I took it to the Manchester Comedy Store for class and...

My Second Time

The second time that I performed my anecdotal material was on Saturday 19th March 2011. I had written about 4 minutes worth of new stuff in the week, but I didn't believe that it was as strong as my first stuff and because I had the dictaphone I decided to repeat last week's effort.

I hoped that I would now pick up all the laughs that I missed out on the week before.

I even managed to do it without my notes again. Memory success!

Sadly, there weren't any real laughs this week. Mainly because everyone had heard all the material already.

But this time I was acutely aware that there were no real laughs except when I pointed to someone in the audience and they laughed. I think it was out of pity.

I tried to move during my delivery, and as I took the weight off my right leg I could feel my leg shaking. So I put the weight back on it and stayed rooted to the spot.

So after it was over, I sat back down. I didn't take many notes of what John was saying (no special guest this week) because I hoped that the dictaphone would pick it all up and I could sort through it all when I got home.

Luckily the dictaphone did pick it all up.

Every last painful bit of my set and all of John and the class's great feedback.

So here are John's main points:

1. John said that I was at my best in the first couple of weeks when I was adlibbing off my material. I didn't know my material then. I was reading it poorly. And I was bombing. That's the only reason why I was adlibbing. I didn't intentionally set out to write shit gags.

2. The term "Non Sequitur" may be unknown to some people and requires a leap of the audience. This isn't good, especially if the floor has not been reinforced, as the floor might give way. I'll probably stick to using the term "surreal" instead.

3. The stuff in my routine seems locked in too tightly, and I don't leave any space for anything else to happen. Like laughs.

4. Need to relax. Stop trying to steam roll from beginning to end.

5. Need to try and improvise a little bit around the material.

For the next class on Saturday, John has set me a task of cutting up my set to just the jokes (no links or other bits, like orange juice pulp. We don't like that) and to try and mix it up a bit so that I will have to think a little more while I'm on stage, loosen up a bit and not just zone out and read off my material.

Fear.

That's all it is. Its scary up there. I was hoping that as I did this every week I would get more used to it. But so far I haven't. And I'm only doing this in front of 7 people who I have known for 5 weeks.

Will next week be any better?

Tune in next Wednesday to find out, same pathetic time, same pathetic RSS channel.

Unless, of course, I find something else to write about.

And before no one asks - No. I'm not putting the mp3 file up so you can listen.

Stand Up Course Progress Part 1, Or How I Learned To Seduce A Microphone Stand

Calm down there pilgrim, you haven't missed my stage debut yet, I've only just done the second week of the ComedySportz Stand Up Course run by the excellent John Cooper.

I just thought that I would use this opportunity to let you now how my first forays into stand up are going.

The answer, dear blog reader, is not well.

And that is entirely down to me.

Confidence.

I don't seem to have any.

We'll start at week 1 because I never really understood all the zero based indexing crap. All I had to do was take the microphone out of its stand and talk a little bit about myself for a minute or two. I approached the mic stand and fumbled it. Completely. It looked like I was trying to mug the stand for it's pension money or even possibly dance for it.

Behold me! I am the great seductor!

So after I finally got the mic out of the stand my head was completely messed up and I think I blathered on about what I had for breakfast. To be honest, I'm not totally sure, but I do remember feeling like the class may see what I had for breakfast. And the rest of the day was a bit of a blur to be honest with you. The only thing I do remember is that everyone else was much more natural with the mic and the story telling.

At the end of week one, the homework was to write 4 pages of ideas that I wanted to talk about next week.

Great, I thought. I had already written some one liners over the past several months. They amounted to be about a page of a Word Document. I put some other ideas down too over the week and by the start of the next class (this past Saturday), I had about three pages. I was worried that I wouldn't have enough, but it was all I could think of.

And then it was time to stand behind the mic. I overcame my problem of the previous week by simply leaving the mic in the stand, as I had other problems to worry about.

And that was an understatement.

As I stood at the mic and read out my material (yes I stood there with the papers in my hand) I fucked up the delivery through nerves again. And the material being shit. I think I probably got about three laughs in total from far more than three jokes. One of those laughs came from an adlib that I did when a joke bombed.

And after that experience I went to sit down, but to be honest I was that shocked that I don't even know which jokes worked and which didn't. And I completely forgot to write down the feedback that John and the rest of the class gave me. And now I can't remember what it was.

*thumbs up*

So based upon the response my material got, I don't think that I'm the one liner type. I genuinely tried my best to write funny ones, and not the "so bad they are funny" ones. Except for one or two of the jokes, most of them didn't work and I think you can find the ones that do work (in my opinion) on My Twitter. I could try and be a one liner stand up, but the ones that I read out on Saturday took me months to write and most of them didn't work, so I don't think that I could write 5 minutes worth in the 6 weeks that I have left.

So the option that I have left is to write brand new material in a more anecdotal style. Thing is, not much has happened to me, and some of the stuff that has happened I don't really want to talk about it. Or more to the point I would if I were a better writer so that I could put a funny spin on it.

So the challenge that I have set myself is to write a few minutes worth of material from scratch before Saturday. I have ideas of topics, but can I get it down on paper and then out of my mouth in the same order. Can it be done, or will I just end up standing there and looking stupid? (There's actually a good chance of that happening even if I get the material written.)

If this doesn't work out either, I suppose I could always just drop my pants and shout my name for five minutes.

Now where did I put those penis enhancing pills...