I know you can't believe it, because no one is actually reading this.

I was going to do something special, but then I forgot to, but hey it doesn't matter, at this age websites are barely cognitive.

Maybe next year I'll get it a big badge with the number 2 on it or maybe I'll just give it a new template.

Here's to the next year of barely read posts. As Yazz once sang, The Only Way Is Up!

Matt.

Unlike last year's 1st Anniversary Post where I simply showed "Best Of" clips of the posts from that previous year, this year I thought that I would take a look back at my goals and aspirations that I set for myself and update you on them, as we approach the anniversary, 2010 is one quarter over with. So away we go:

Goal One
I need to lose weight. I have to. I have a goal in mind and if this doesn’t make me lose weight nothing will. If the weight stays I am well and truly fucked. I have enough problems that I can’t control and if I can’t beat this one that’s of my own making then, well who knows? This includes exercising more. And when I say more, I mean exercise. I bought a damn bike. It’s just sitting there. In 2010 it will be used.

Yep, well, ahem. I was doing really well, (I had lost half a stone / 7lb / 3kg, exercising and eating right) but then it all went tits up when I hurt my knee. Then my knee got better, or so I thought and I started exercising again, but then I hurt it again, so I have gained all the weight that I had previously lost and I'm back to where I started again. But I'm just in the middle a course of anti-inflamatory medication and hopefully in another two weeks I will be back to where I was before and will be able to start again. I don't know whether to publish what I weigh on here, my fingers keep moving across the keyboard but they aren't going anywhere near the number pad, so I guess you'll miss out on finding out. Unless of course you decide to look elsewhere on the web where I have written about my struggles.

Goal Two
Write more. I want to finish my online story. I have set myself a mini goal of end of March. Because of goal three. There are also a few things that I also want to try writing wise. I have how to books. It may well be time to read them.

Well, since I wrote this goal I have written Chapter 11 of my online story and that is it. Having the break from it and doing a different story for NaNoWriMo, was a bad idea for this story. I just couldn't seem to get back in the flow in December and January. February was a real struggle but I got it done, and March I just lost motivation. I found myself thinking more and more about the first novel I ever wrote. It isn't to say that I shouldn't have done NaNoWriMo, as I learned some valuable lessons from it and was, shock horror, able to complete a, albeit shoddy, first draft. I think I am just one of those people that needs a kick in the pants to actually focus and knuckle down and write.

Goal Three
For Script Frenzy (April 2010) I will convert the online story into a screenplay. If the story is not done I will not participate. For the past 2 years I have participated and written crap. I know that I can write 100 pages of crap. There is no challenge in that any more. I need to be able to successfully create a screenplay that has a beginning, a middle and an end. Even if it is one that I already now the outcome and it is just a case of putting the story to screenplay format. Then in 2011, I can think about doing one from scratch with a detailed plot.

Well, as you know from reading chapter 11, the story has not finished. And I did agonise of this (and I hear you say, "Why? It's crap") but after talking it through with a friend I decided that because I was struggling so much with the story in prose, that I could continue the story in screenplay format from the start of what would have been chapter 12 and then if I get to the end of the story before the end of April, I can come back and adapt the first 11 chapters into the screenplay. So on Thursday I will start the screenplay at the Script Frenzy 2010 Write-in, to be held at the Egg, Liverpool. If you're there say hello.

Goal Four
Mystery goal. If you wish to know about this one, you’ll have to buy me dinner first.

This is progressing nicely, well I hope. I have made further steps forward and I am currently awaiting responses. So that I can initiate the final phase.

Goal Five
Get to Liverpool more to see my friends. Until they get sick of me that is.

Well, I went to a meeting in January (13th I believe it was) at The Egg and I will be going to the write-in on Thursday (which I have taken the day off for). I hope to get to Liverpool a few more times in April and then at the end of April (30th) I shall be attending the Rathole Radio Live Gig in Liverpool, hosted by Dan (who I met through Script Frenzy in 2009). I think several of the NaNoWrimo/Script Frenzy group are going so it should be fun. If you are going and see me there, say hi. I won't bite, but I may puke on your shoes depending upon how much I have had to drink.

Goal Six
Plan a proper novel for NaNoWriMo 2010. Oooh. Actual Plots and knowing the beginning and ending before I start. And cliffhangers, too! How will I cope?

Well, if all goes to plan in April, I will know how "That Joke Isn't Funny Any More" ends and I will be using May/June to write chapter 12 through to the end. Once July arrives I will then start to plan my NaNoWriMo 2010 entry.

Goal Seven
Meet more people. This will be really difficult for me. Anyone who knows me in real life knows how really shy I am around people I don’t know or don’t know that well.

I am still shy but I'm trying. I'm going to a gig, something which I never would have dreamed of several years ago. And I've signed up for a course starting May 1st that should hopefully make me more outgoing and not frightened of people. We'll see what happens.

Goal Eight
Be a better person. I don’t exactly know what this entails, but I know I’m not good enough the way I am.

I have signed up for a course, really I have. You may think that I was drunk when I wrote Goal Eight, but I wasn't.

Goal Nine
Be more confident. (I’ll have to wipe the dust off of that CD)

I have signed up for a course, I am going to a gig (at which I will try not to puke on anyone's shoes) and I have listened to that CD.

Goal Ten
Start smoking and then quit smoking. If I only manage 50% of this then at least I won’t have to worry about a pension any more.

Two packs a day, bitches! Well, not really. So I should start putting money in my pension.

Goal Eleven *new*
Start writing more blog posts, because I know you're all dying to hear about my life (if my total blog hits of 1695 [since Aug 2009] are any indication). Even if it isn't fiction writing that I am doing, blogging more will at least mean that I'm writing and not out and about being a threat to society.

We will see how Goal Eleven develops, most probably it will be like a blurred photograph with quality control sticker right in the centre.

Thus concludes the Second Anniversary Craptacular. Who knows what hilarity will happen here before the Third Anniversary (other than me having to renew my domain).

Check back soon for more updates or to see that I have failed in my own promises.

I've also decided to revamp the ol' blog. After all, there aren't many people who have blogs and we have to keep the standard up.

Can it get any better?

No, I didn't think so. Let's take a look back shall we:

Now if... I have returned... and someone has found me... There once was a man... that looks like me. For those of you who don't... stop bothering me... Go... it just looks more professional.

I reached... me... the answer... truckin'

Everybody else... could have saved time by... a dish best served with sprouts... in a vacuum!

It's movie time.

Ah, good times.

Here's to the next lot of ignored posts...

And to ScriptFrenzy!

Hurrah!

You may be the first, unless you are reading this over someone's shoulder and that means you are a close second. So take a step back, and stop invading my personal space.

So while this is the Internet, happy e-paper anniversary. (An anniversary of this magnitude doesn't warrant an exclamation point.) But you could have at least sent an e-card you unsentimental bastard.

Will we reach the next one? Probably, unless I forget my login details.

Don't forget the traditional Anniversary Clip Show Featuring 10% New Material!

Coming up next.

(Recycling, not only is it good for the environment, but it removes the need to be creative.)