I Love Matt Fishwick! Fiction and fun with Matt Fishwick

21Mar/140

Friday “Funnies” (Friday 14th March to Thursday 20th March 2014)

Rather than see my "jokes" disappear into the social media ether, I thought I'd put them where they will never be lost. Or looked at.

Presenting a round up of all the jokes that I wrote this week:

Firstly, the general ones:

  1. Rocky The Musical opens up on Broadway. Broadway is described as shaken with a bloody nose.
  2. I got rid of pocket change. Now it will remain a pocket.
  3. It's the first day of spring training. So far, I've managed to get it to roll over. Still haven't managed to get it to fetch a newspaper.

Secondly, the "topical" ones I sent to S10E3 of Newsjack:

BREAKING NEWS:

  1. Lord Windermere wins Cheltenham Gold Cup. Other races suspended as Dish runs away with Spoon.
  2. Police find man on roadside with his penis cut off thanks to a tip off by someone with a knife.
  3. Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said to be over the moon after winning the US National Critics Book Prize for her novel Americanah. Moon still wallowing in self-pity.

COMING UP:

  1. Scantily clad composers. Taking focus away from the music, or bringing sexy Bach? *USED ON THE SHOW* (Get the podcast for the next 7 days.)
  2. As landing gear collapses on US plane, we ask: Are wheels drinking too much?
  3. As focus shifts west for missing Jet, we ask why no one suspects The Sharks. *West Side Story Finger click* Do your job, Officer Krupke!

LISTINGS:

  1. On BBC4 this week, sexual relationships are strained as the Rice Krispies try to decide who gets to be: Top of the Pops.
  2. On ITV, it’s Neighbours From Hell. This week, Steve and Mary Winchester talk about how their peaceful Portuguese getaway was ruined by those dreadful McCanns.
  3. Later on Channel 4: Will celebrities do anything for fame? We give them a carving knife and find out in the very first edition of “Come Dine On Me.”

See you next week for more hilarity, or check my Twitter feed and see me "live" tweet them.

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