I Love Matt Fishwick! Fiction and fun with Matt Fishwick

19Mar/140

RADIO SKETCH: Men Aren’t From Mars

Hello all. Here's a sketch that I wrote for week 2 of series 10 of Newsjack. (It didn't get on the air.)

Men Aren't From Mars
by Matt Fishwick

HOST:
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Now not just the title to a book that my wife puts too much stock in, but now not even a scientific fact, which should finally put to rest the issue of those Americans that think Barack Obama shouldn’t be the US President. Here to discuss this new Neuroscience claim is expert Gina Marks.

GINA:
Men’s and women’s brains are not wired differently at all. The idea that women are able to multi-task while men aren’t is completely absurd. You’re able to multi-task by reading the script and talking at the same time. I’m just able to do it that little bit more believably because that’s what society expects from women.

HOST:
But recent studies have claimed...

GINA:
Let me just put my note cards down and just talk about this like two grown ups. Studies can claim anything if they have enough data. For example, did you know, that in a recent study of 100 people that have gained a PhD, 100% of those people are eligible to call themselves a Doctor? Even English Literature graduates. That’s just crazy. But my claims are 100% scientific based. I’ve brought two people along. This is Steve.

STEVE:
Hi.

GINA:
And this is Michelle.

MICHELLE:
Hello.

 GINA:
I’m going to prove the male brain and female brain are the same.

HOST:
I can’t see any problem with that.

SFX: BUZZ SAW

STEVE:
(screams)

HOST:
Oh, I did not see that coming.

MICHELLE:
Please, no. I have a child. I have a...

SFX: BUZZ SAW

MICHELLE:
(screams)

HOST:
I think I’m going to be sick.

GINA:
Multi-task. Breathe into this paper bag and don’t be sick.

SFX: BRAIN BEING REMOVED FROM HEAD (GOOEY)

GINA:
Can you tell whether this brain is from a man or a woman?

HOST:
(squeamish) You pulled it from Steve’s head.

GINA:
Okay, imagine I hadn’t done that. Well what about this one.

SFX: BRAIN BEING REMOVED FROM HEAD (GOOEY)

HOST:
(upset) That’s Michelle’s.

GINA:
Close your eyes. They both feel the same weight don’t they?

HOST:
(upset) Yes.

GINA:
And they both look the same?

HOST:
(upset) My eyes are closed.

GINA:
If we ask them some questions.

HOST:
But they’re both dead.

GINA:
Oh, you know what, I’ve totally put my index note cards in the wrong order. I’m always doing this. Chalk it up to being blonde. Can I come back next week and try again?

END

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