I Love Matt Fishwick! Fiction and fun with Matt Fishwick

7Mar/140

Friday “Funnies” (Friday 28th February to Thursday 6th March 2014)

Rather than see my "jokes" disappear into the social media ether, I thought I'd put them where they will never be lost. Or looked at.

Presenting a round up of all the jokes that I wrote this week:

Firstly, the general ones:

  1. Q. What do you say to a despondent undecided Scottish independence voter?
    A. UK Ok, hon?
  2. This pancake batter is useless. It can't even hit a single, let alone a home run.
  3. This place isn't smoke alarmed, but it is cigarette perturbed.
  4. Today I wrote 3 jokes. Almost a third of them are funny.
  5. It's #PancakeDay. Your carrot cake gets 0/10.
  6. Everyone loves a photobomb, but you rig one SLR to explode and suddenly you have "issues."

Secondly, the "topical" ones I sent to S10E1 of Newsjack:

BREAKING NEWS:

  1. The Met Office confirms this winter was the wettest on record since it rained men in 1982. Thanks for pointing that out, Weather Girls
  2. Not to be outdone by Facebook’s purchase of WhatsApp for $19bn, Twitter have bought at bottle of Budweiser for £1.25
  3. Prince George to join the upcoming April Australia Tour. It leaves him just a few weeks to learn how to hold a cricket bat.

COMING UP:

  1. It’s the Bill debates. This week, Uganda Bill argues with Portland Bill why what happens at sea should stay at sea.
  2. As McIlroy shoots 63 to lead Honda Classic, We ask: have killing sprees in golf gone too far? *USED ON SHOW - PODCAST*
  3. Raspberry pi, tiny computer circuit boards or a flavoursome paedophile network? You decide!

LISTINGS:

  1. At 9.30 on BBC Three, it’s the Equilibrium Comedy Hour. This week, all the jokes fall flat.
  2. On Channel 4 tonight, it’s Location, Location, Location where Kirsty and Phil help a family in Devon look for a property with a drive in delivery entrance. This week, their chances look pretty good.
  3. On Sky Premier tonight, we discuss Oscar Highlights. Tonight, Blonde or Brunette, which highlights make Oscar look more fabulous?

See you next week for more hilarity, or check my Twitter feed and see me "live" tweet them.

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