I Love Matt Fishwick! Fiction and fun with Matt Fishwick

I’d Do Anything for Laughs, But I Won’t Do That!

Gig 1 - The Stand Up Showcase

Gig: One (1)

Date & Time: Thursday March 24th, 2011 - 8.30pm

Location: The Salmon Room @ The Lass O'Gowrie, 36 Charles Street, Manchester. M1 7DB

Line Up:

John Cooper MCing for: Lee Moore, Ashley Miller, Matt Fishwick, Rowan Bacon, {break}, Judgement Dave, Ben Palmer, Conor Aylward, and Holly Grainger.

And so, after much coaxing, the day finally came. Stand up time.

So far 2011 had been a busy one for me, the stand up workshops, and trying to submit material to BBC Radio 7's Newsjack (and not getting anything on). I'd had some successes too. I managed to achieve a #win100 3rd place and then a couple of weeks later I managed a 1st place. I also managed to get a long list placing in the London Comedy Writers Festival #comfest competition to win a free ticket to the event in April. Not the shortlist, but I squeaked in the top 20, at 20. (Still sad I can't go to that this year. But I am planning to attend next year.)

In order to reduce my stress levels, and because the last train back to Wigan was unsightly early so that I would have missed the end of the show to catch it, I decided to get a hotel room for the night just near Manchester Oxford Road Station (and conventiently near the Sainsbury's Local, too.) This also meant that I could have a drink too if I wanted. It would also make me more available to all the comedy groupies that were sure to throw themselves at me following my debut as a Comedy God.

Before I left for Manchester I wrote my set list down on my hand. This would give me the opportunity to go over it my head on the train without having to get the notes out of pocket. It would also allow me to look at my list while I was on stage (but in the most attention drawing manner possible.)

I arrived in Manchester about 3.30pm and check in at the Palace Hotel. (Room 154, if you were desperate to know, so when I'm a global superstar you can say that you stayed in the same room as me.) I retreated to my room, closed the curtains and then began rehearsing again (naked), going through the movements with the props, so I could pretend I was behind the mic stand. So I spent the next hour and a half just going over my set like Cyndi Lauper (Time after time, incase you didn't get that reference.) At that point I was feeling hungry, so I went to the Sainsbury's Local (other supermarket's are available, just not in the vicinity of where I was, I don't think.) and bought £4.05's worth of chocolate and then I naively paid 85 pence for a bottle of water. (Got watch my figure.) So I get back to my room and then I get a text message from fellow stand up showcase performer, Ashley Miller. Ash and our joint guest villian that evening (a man younger than Jennifer Aniston AND Daniel Craig) Howard Whittock had been filming some of Howard's stand up around Manchester that day. And where just at the Sainsbury's Local. I must have only missed them by 5 minutes. So they come over to my Palace and we make our way up to the room to shoot that porno. Howard was very gentle with me. (Just kidding, he was rough, just the way I like it.)

Just kidding we didn't shoot a porno, but we did have a discussion about BBC TV's Eggheads, which if you've ever seen it is virtually the same thing. The tension between Judith and Dermot is electric.

That's right, Internet. I had Howard Whittock in my room. Eating a £1 bacon sandwich from the Sainsbury's Local. (Actually, that's artistic licence, it was actually a ham sandwich, but the rest of it is totally true). I also had a girl in my room too! And she hadn't even been drinking heavily. I was going to be breaking all sorts of firsts that night.

By 7pm the conversation had almost exhausted itself.

And so by 7.15pm the panic had really set in for myself and Ash. After we had put it off as long as we could, the three of us leave my room, walk down the street (passing MC John Cooper waiting inline at a cash machine. Oh! the glamour of stand up) and get to the "gig." I feel like I can say "gig" now that I have officially performed. Outside the gig I managed to pick up fellow performer Ben Palmer, and I didn't even have to buy him a drink or give him my room key card.

We go in the pub. Ben, Ash and I are mumbling things to one another, and I'm getting even more nervous. So much so that I have to order a drink. (Pint of Diet Coke, £2.20. Rock 'n' roll, Priceless! Hello Cleveland!).

So the other 3 acts arrive and John establishes a running order. Because there were 8 of us on the stand up course, there should have been 8 performers, but due to other commitments Rob Wilson (another gig, in Leeds) and Gary Senior (working, boo!) couldn't be there. To round things up, two of the people who had taken John's last course were invited along to open each half of the show. Lee Moore opened the evening and Judgement Dave kicked off the second half.

With acts and audience present, we followed the twisty labrynth to the Salmon Room. At no point did I shout "Hello Cleveland!" Though I wanted to. And when I got there, no mic stand. Oops. This might prove a little more tricky than I thought, as I was doing a couple of things with props. Oh well, not the ideal conditions. I'd have to struggle on.

Everyone on the bill was great, though I must admit that I was not as focused as I should have been during the first two acts (sorry Lee and Ash) due to nerves. But they both rocked it, and everyone in the room was laughing it up. After my own stint (which I'll get to later), I was really able to relax and enjoy the night. Rowan had a bit of the same trouble that I did (I was expecting a mic stand, but there wasn't one there) which caused a bit of audience participation for Rowan's set. He had some great material and it was a good way to end the first half.

Then it was down to the bar and away from the heat of the Salmon Room (I assume that this got its name from where they cook the fish, because I was getting cooked in my own juices. Get that? It's a play on my last name. And yes, you are welcome for that mental imagery.) With my work over, it was here that I pushed the boat out and had a vodka and diet coke. (Got to watch the waistline even if I wasn't being weighed at work the day after!) £2.70. A bit of a relax and a mingle with some of my new fans but despite how hard I tried and I just couldn't give my spare keycard away. I suppose I should have been funnier. I didn't have much time to rest on my failure, because it was soon time for the second half.

New Charity Collector character (name of which escapes me at the minute) stuff from Dave which he was trying out for the very first time (I expect to see more from this character in the future) opened the second half. This half also saw the opening of a window, to ease some of the temperature in the room. Ben was up next and killed (Applause break and everything). Then some great stuff from Conor which everyone loved. His previous stage experience really shows. And Holly, with 15 gigs already done (including 2 appearances at the notorious Manchester Comedy Store King Gong) was on to close. She has some really great Trans stuff. She will go far.

And that was the night that was. Standup Debut done. We hung around for a bit in the bar, and had another drink (Being the rebel that I am, I had another vodka and Diet Coke) before I said goodbye to the other attendees as I was starting to crash (the lack of sleep leading up to the event was now taking its toll). I walked with Ash who was catching the last train back to Sheffield and then it was back to my room for water, Peanut M&Ms, teeth cleaning and then sleep.

It was a big day. If someone would have told me 12 months earlier that I would have been onstage doing stand up I never would have believed them. The next day, just before I checked out, I had quite an important "thank you" phone call to make, and I'll be honest, it was the highlight of my Friday and made me smile for the rest of the day. Thanks, Jenpops.

As for my stand up performance, I'd be genuinely lying to you if I said that I remembered much about what happened to me while I was on stage. It was all a bit of a blur. But I have listened to the audio tape I made and here is what I learnt about my performance:

1. From the moment I walked on stage and said "Hello, hello, hello." to the time I said "That's me done. Goodnight." and walked off, 470 seconds had elapsed. That's 7 minutes and 50 seconds in old money.

2. I messed up several of the starts to my jokes. I don't think that this had much of an effect on the overall performance, I just would have felt better had I got all the jokes done properly.

3. People in the audience that had never heard my shit before, laughed. In particular I noted the laughter of Howard Whittock (of Mashley Fishtock Productions fame) and ComedySportz UK's own Brainne Edge, a newly blonde Jade Fearnley [I did notice, I was just a little preoccupied!] & Rob Hudson [he of great facial hair]. So thanks for that, guys. It may be a coincidence that three out of these four people I had bribed in months previously with an "I Love Matt Fishwick" coffee mug. And the fourth person will probably be getting one soon. (As soon as I order some more.)

4. A bit of my stuff got barely any laughs. And it was one of my favourite jokes, albeit in a watered down form. (The non watered down version got even fewer laughs at the workshop.)

5. A joke that had never got a laugh at the workshops got a laugh on stage in front of an audience. Woo. I had kept it in my set because I liked it, but because people laughed I didn't get chance to use my "adlib" about people not laughing at it. See, I can't win.

So far, I have listened to the audio recording twice. The first time I listened to it was on the dictaphone itself after I got back to the room. As I sat alone in the dark, and listened to the stand up recording and the rumble of cargo trains passing through Oxford Road Station at 0.15am, I ate a bag of Peanut M&Ms. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or the sugar rush from the M&Ms, or maybe even the tinny speaker of the dictaphone combined with the trains, but the there seemed more laughs. Since I have listened to it again in the cold light of day. Actually, at 10pm on a Saturday night as I write this under the influence of a Bag Of Skittles - which I can assure you I ate in the correct way. First I separated the colours. Then ate them in the following order: Green, Yellow, Orange, Red and finally the purple ones. I insist that all the Skittles are separated because it is in my backstage rider (so we can avoid the missing mic stand in the future), now that I am a comedy god:

So anyway, I listened again. There were one or two good jokes that got a great laugh and then some others which got polite laughter. Some of the stuff that I did obviously needs cutting down to get rid of the dead space, or just axing altogether. The reason that I performed it was I thought it was funny, but it hadn't been getting the laughs at the workshop. I didn't know whether this was just because it wasn't funny or because they had heard it so many times.

Does this mean that I will keep performing stand up?

That's a big loaded question. One that I will have to think about. At the moment I am doubtful that I will do it again. I've proud of myself for overcoming my fears and doing it, but I'm under no illusions that this was a very friendly audience. Would proper open mic audiences or paying customers be like that? I can't be so sure. There's also the fact that while I enjoyed the writing of the material, I didn't really like the build up to being on stage (i.e. rehearsing) and I also didn't care that much for performing it, either. I only enjoyed it after I had done it. And if I only enjoy one of the three steps, is it worth putting myself through that again? I also know that I have received a lot of John's help and direction during the course. Could I be that successful when left to my own devices? There's also the issue of time management. On other bills I would have to work to a strict 5 minute set, and I'll be honest with you and say that I had no idea how long I'd been up there while I was onstage. It was only afterwards listening to the recording that I had any inkling of the length of my set. In stand up over running is a bad thing. I also don't really like pubs, (unless it is for a pub quiz) and I'm not that fond of going out at night. Or of driving. I'll give myself a couple of weeks and then I'll decide properly after I have watched the video footage and do a Bucks Fizz. (Yes, it was filmed. By Ben Palmer. And during my set, he did want to rip my skirt off.)

So all that remains is to thank those that made this night possible. Big shout out to John Cooper and to Comedy Sportz UK for putting on the workshop. Thanks to the Lass O'Gowrie for the showcase location. Thanks to my fellow workshoppers: Ash, Ben, Conor, Gary, Holly, Rob, and Rowan. Thanks to Workshop special guests Bethany Black and Lee Fenwick for the advice and tips. Thanks to Lee and Dave for doing some great stuff at the showcase. Thanks to Howard and Joe for turning up and laughing in all the right places. Thanks to Martin for the phone call of encouragement beforehand. Thanks to Bron, again, for being so encouraging and for telling me about Jade's hair change. Thanks to Rob and Jade for laughing and for only leaving once I'd been on (though I might have driven them away, I can't be certain).

Also thanks to Chris Brooker for his very informative and entertaining gig diaries (whom I sort of tried to emulate with this post), and the advice that was contained within his diaries. Go catch his live act, and follow him on Twitter, you won't regret it.

And last but by no means least, thanks to Twitter for introducing me to SureFireDaisy and JohnnyMac, who inspired me to try this stuff in the first place. Even though I've never met either of you in person, I wouldn't be where I am today without your initial encouragement.

Despite all the thanking that I've done, I'd be remiss if I thanked the mic stand. You weren't there for me that night, so I'm not thanking you.

Oops.

It got a bit sappy towards the end there.

Got to leave 'em on a laugh.

Poop.

"That's me done. Goodnight."